Tour de Podwórko

Nie istnieje absolutnie ŻADNE spotkanie rodzinne bez tej opowieści.
Bez tej i żenujących stu innych rzecz jasna.
Od kiedy łaskawie pozwolono mi siedzieć przy „dorosłym stole”, ta historia jest mielona, jak mięsko na gołąbki.

Do tego, że mój brat jest fajniejszy, już zdążyłam przywyknąć.
I do tego, że był zawsze ładniejszy i grzeczniejszy też.
Jak jego mama wystroiła „w gości”, to stał i czekał, a ja w 3 minuty białą sukienkę i kokardy umorusałam dżemem, bo akurat własnie wtedy zgłodniałam.
Nie moja wina, że byłam piegowatym sowizdrzałem z poobijanymi kolanami, wiecznie rozpuszczonymi białymi kokardami tak pieczołowicie wiązanymi przez mamę.
Że wolałam od stania i czekania wleźć na wóz i pojechać z sąsiadem dziadka po mleko. A że w niedzielnej sukience? Życie.
Mój braciszek był grzeczniutki i śliczniutki, a jak się już w końcu przewrócił, to i tak była moja wina.
A mogło być tak pięknie.
Aaaach…
Mogłabym na przykład mieć starszego brata.
Zawsze chciałam. Kiedyś nawet zarzuciłam rodzicom, że jakby mnie naprawdę kochali, to by coś z tym zrobić mogli.
Nadal czekam.

Zawsze mnie ten gówniarz denerwował.
Kręcił się wiecznie w pobliżu.
Ciągle go trzeba było pilnować.
Zajmować się nim.
Pomagać w lekcjach.
I zero wdzięczności.
Jeszcze mnie potrafił podkablować do matki, że zdzieliłam dziewczynę w piaskownicy.
Powiedziała, że „tfuj brat jest goopi „, to dostała.
Ale o tym gówniarz już nie wspomniał, bo… „on nie pseklina”.

Wtedy też mi przeszkadzał…
To był piękny słoneczny dzień.
Zapowiadały się naprawdę niesamowite zawody kolarskie.
Zjechały się z sąsiednich podwórek wszystkie okoliczne gwiazdy na swoich błyszczących rowerach z kotkami na szprychach.
Ja na moim zielonym Domino musiałam udowodnić tym z Wigry, że mogą mi z pedałów błoto wyskrobywać.
Pełna koncentracja.
Maluchy ze smarkami pod nosem pozabierane do piaskownicy.
Tor dookoła podwórka czysty.
My na swoich pozycjach.

– Maaaagdaaaa zaopiekuj się bratem!
Teraz ?
Teeraaazz???
Jak ja mam zostać własnie gwiazdą Tour de Podwórko!?
Wyszedł z klatki schodowej.
Śliczny jak zawsze.
Wyciągnął swoje 4-letnie łapki w moją stronę.
Wsadziłam toto na bagażnik i kazałam się mocno trzymać.
Oczy zaszły mi łzami złości.
Teraz na pewno nie wygram.
Obróciłam się do niego i ostrzegłam, że jak tylko zahamuje syrami to zatłukę.
Spojrzałam dla pewności w okno kuchni, mamy już nie było.
Linia startu zaczynała się koło piaskownicy, potem szybki zakręt koło dzikiej wiśni,
dłuugi prosty odcinek.
Klatka 7B, 7C, 7D,
Zakręt przy piekarni i na pełnym spidzie.
Obok syrenki Walczaka z 4-ego piętra ostatni wiraż,
Trzepak,
Śmietnik,
Betonowa donica z pelargoniami
Meta!
Prościzna.
No to STAAAART! -wrzasnęła Jolka spod 8-mki.
Ta co zawsze nos w rękaw wycierała.
Jak ja pędziłam!!!!
Po drugim zakręcie byłam pierwsza.
Już widziałam te zazdrosne spojrzenia.
Cały kolejny tydzień to ja będę królową podwórka!
Szybciej!
Szybciej!
Szybciej!
Śmietnik!!
Syrenka!!!!

-MAAAGDAAAA!
Jeszcze tylko kilka obrotów!
-MAAAGDAAA !!!!! JEZUS MARIA!!! MAAAGDAAA!!!
Akurat wtedy!
Przed samą metą się musiał gówniarz puścić!?
Do dziś mnie nie przeprosił, że przez niego przegrałam.
Do dziś powtarza, że ma jakieś migrenowe ataki bólu głowy i patrzy w moją stronę, układając bezgłośnie usta w słowo „od-szko-do-wa-nie „.
Do dziś matka mi wypomina, że mu się głowa jak piłka od tego betonowego chodnika odbijała i jak ja „mogłam nie zauważyć”.
Do dziś bratowa jak mówi, że jest „stuknięty” to wbija we mnie wzrok i kiwa znacząco głową.
O mojej złamanej karierze kolarskiej to już nikt nie pamięta?!
Młodsze rodzeństwo …??
Ewidentny znak od starych, że może to „następne będzie fajniejsze”
Wcale nie jest!
Mówię to ja – starsza siostra !

p.s. Bratowa najlepszego z okazji urodzin!
Pamiętaj zawsze mogłaś gorzej trafić! Na przykład?
Nooo, na przykład mogłam go przejechać tym rowerem
i po drugie: już nigdy nie zażartuję z tego, że masz urodziny wtedy co Adolf.

Jeżeli podobał Ci się ten tekst i chcesz więcej, zostaw mi swojego maila. Na pewno wtedy nie przegapisz żadnego patolkowego wpisu 🙂


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